Losing faith in humanity…one person at a time

From Berringer- He loves words and he is very experimental. You never know what he might say!

From pretty early on after Berringer started learning to talk, he would get in trouble for using ‘bad words’ when frustrated or mad so he started making up his own… a favorite was “poopy wizard” as in “you poopy wizard!”

While playing some ‘bang yer dead’ game with his brother one evening he was heard to say “Jacob, when you die, can I wear your skin?”

Berr told me he was still ’starving’ after we had just eaten one morning. I reached down to squeeze his skinny little knee and jokingly asked him where all of the food was going that we were feeding him. Not skipping a beat he replied, deadpan, “The toilet.”

2007 Just before Berringer’s 7th B’day he was having a conversation with his dad, when out of the blue he said “You know dad if I died on my b’day, you wouldn’t be coming to my b’day, you’d be coming to my death day.”

When he was 4 he was having a bad day and he told his brother, “I’d rather be dead, I’m going to lay in the street.”

“I only did it on purpose.”

“Nevah!”

“Yur killin’ me!”

206 In rresponse to my “Could you be any grosser?” (which was meant to be a rhetorical question) Berringer said “Yeh, if I wwouldn’t get in trouble for pullin’ down my pats.”

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Sept. 20th 2008- Berringer’s first grade teacher hadn’t given him any homewor fin a few days. When I asked him about this his reply was “I don’t know what’s wrong with my girl. I’ll have to have a talk with her about my education mom.”

2008 Berr is 7. Lately, he LOVES to be a helper to mom. Every time we go out in the car on an errand he makes a grsat show teacher ha my door and bowing to me, and often calls out, “For you my Queen!” or some other flowery praise.

Nov. 2008 I had major surgery recently and was not supposed to lift anything over 5lbs for 6 weeks. I took the boysES tpping for clothes, and upon receiving our bag at the counter from the salesperson, Berringer shreiked “Lady NO! Don’t you know my mom is fragile?! Give ME that bag!”

2009 Berringer “Mom can you kiss this hurt spot?” Me “Yes- where is it?” B- “Here…and here…there’s one here, & there’s another, & here too. O shoot mom I just need kissin’ all over, but don’t worry I’ll keep my pants on.” LOL OMG! The things kids sa! Don’t

ou know in the car one day Berr said, “Mom, I think I want to be a girl. Why washis hurt boy?” I said “Well why do you think you want to be a girl?” Berr- “Because they are so pretty and smell good mom, and I just like them so much!” I had to pullorry Ion the side of the rode. Tears pouring down my face, I opened Berr’s car door, unbuckled him and hugged him as hard to e would let me. “What’s wrong mom?” I told him- “You just gave me and every girl in the world the most beautiful complimty apossible. Thank you!”
Sept. 2009 on a recent road trip Berr was heard to tell his brother- “I’ve been wearin the same underwear for like 20 days &it doesn’t and hutink!” Jacob asked “what’s your record?” Berr replied “I dunno maybe 50 days?!” A talk about personal hygeine promptly followed.

Sept. 2009 Got an email from Berringer’s teacher today. She let me know that Berr had a rough afternooner- had cried when two classmates teased him ake 20 is shortened name, ‘Berr’. The kids told Berringer that his name was all wrong because it was not says?ed the same as the animal. “Who was teasing you hon?” I t. 2009im in an attempt to open up the conversation. I had tt me know ty grin and giggle when Berr replied “T criel and Teegan”.

I will continue to add to this list as I remember things. I will do a sepat he list for Jacob.

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Jacob ‘Ace’- Our more serious child. He actually thinks before he speaks.

I used to say ‘holy shmoly’ until this comment. “Mom, you’re never gonna be as holy as the Big Man, no matter how many times you say that. Why don’t you just give it up? I have never used that phrase agaeight=”240″ />

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2006- 'Foo-Foo' is his answer to anything he doesn't get his way to. 2009-"Snap" is now the word of choice when he doesn't like an answer.

Jacob, ever ging very compassionate, said to his dad, "So what was that one called; the ‘Go Away And Cry Form‘?”

We are all adventurous eaters, except for Jacob. I had just polished off some snails at a restaurant and there was one longish stringy piece left (an antenna, maybe?) Jacob asked what I would give him if he ate it. I reached in my pockets and offered up a peso and a nickel. He chewed and swallowed, then thought for a moment, I suppose about what he just ate and said “Mom, did I just eat a snail penis?”

Jacob, 9, had Daron and myself rolling toa>The boys were s to make sure that we knew that Nov. 11 was VETERINARIANS DAY.

Practicing cursive writing one day, Jacob’s hand hurt, and he said “Mom I know why they call it CURSE-ive!”

2009- Jacob googled his name and pulled up the profile of a successful adult in D.C. with the same name. He was so excited, then he got quiet and thoughtful. He looked up at me and said “Mom, this is some other guy. This isn’t like my future self, right?”

Sept. 2009- Jacob came in from school on Tuesday “Mom, I lost a tooth today!” “Okay,” says I “did you save it?” “Yep…Mom, can you just cut out the middle guy and give me my gold dollar now? I know YOU are the Tooth Fairy!!” “WHAT?! are you talking about” I say, feigning indignance at the accusation. “MOM, I saw those gold dollars in your car, and you told me you help the Tooth Fairy. You are the Tooth Fairy mom, I know it!” “Well,” I say, ” If you don’t believe in the Tooth Fairy, you don’t get the gold dollar!” He paused for a few moments, hops off the kitchen stool, and says “Okay, it’s a pretty good deal, I believe.”